I thought I wanted to tell you something. Really, it is urgent, but now, it is too late. I am alone again. You left in such a hurry, and I did not dare to tell you the truth in public. I am afraid to come to you. I am all alone in the darkness and I dare not come to you. I have a million reasons to not go, but none of them is the truth. I have to admit, I have lied to you. Over and over again, but now, let us not talk falsely, the hour is getting late.
I am afraid to face my destiny, that is why I do not go.
30 Dec 2006
7 Dec 2006
Sleepless
I am sleepless again. I can not sleep, nor can I be awake. My head is so full of thoughts and strange feelings that I can not close my eyes. I try to concentrate on my breathing. breathe in, breathe out. Inhale, exhale. Do. not. think. of. anything! In the darkness I see colours. In the roof, I see colours. Actually, I do not know if there is a roof, or if it is the aurora I see. Could it be something else than my insanity?
My eyes and my soul is no longer a part of my body. I am outside myself, watching. In the same time am I endlessly far away, and I am nanometers away. This is quite hard to explain, because there is no similar feeling to compare. It is like I am watching someone else, and I get surprised each time I realize it is myself, like when I reach out to touch something, I get surprised that they are not further away.
In the same time I am dizzy. It is not helping to sit down, it feels like the earth is swinging up and down. My breath echoes in my head, like there was nothing there. But it is.
My eyes and my soul is no longer a part of my body. I am outside myself, watching. In the same time am I endlessly far away, and I am nanometers away. This is quite hard to explain, because there is no similar feeling to compare. It is like I am watching someone else, and I get surprised each time I realize it is myself, like when I reach out to touch something, I get surprised that they are not further away.
In the same time I am dizzy. It is not helping to sit down, it feels like the earth is swinging up and down. My breath echoes in my head, like there was nothing there. But it is.
3 Dec 2006
Light!
After travelling in the vast, dark land, I wake up and see light.
I do not know if it is only inside my head or if it is outside the carriage. I get up on my feet, and outside there is a will o' the wisp. This faint light shines for me like the sun, because I have been in utter darkness for such a long time. Before, I did not want the carriage to stop, because of the horrors in the dark, but now I want to go outside and touch it. Feel the light all over my body, feel the heat and finally be warm. All I can think of is this warm, burning, flame. I think that it moves along side the train, or maybe it exists only inside my head, but I can see it the whole day. I think about opening the window, but my last grip of sanity keeps me from it. I know that this is only a trick from the grim horrors that awaits in the darkness outside the little circle of light, to make me stop the carriage and go outside. But that does not stop me from being totally in love with the beauty of the light.
the last thing I can recall is that I fall asleep, wathcing the light as it grows fainter. The next day it is gone, and I have not seen it since.
I do not know if it is only inside my head or if it is outside the carriage. I get up on my feet, and outside there is a will o' the wisp. This faint light shines for me like the sun, because I have been in utter darkness for such a long time. Before, I did not want the carriage to stop, because of the horrors in the dark, but now I want to go outside and touch it. Feel the light all over my body, feel the heat and finally be warm. All I can think of is this warm, burning, flame. I think that it moves along side the train, or maybe it exists only inside my head, but I can see it the whole day. I think about opening the window, but my last grip of sanity keeps me from it. I know that this is only a trick from the grim horrors that awaits in the darkness outside the little circle of light, to make me stop the carriage and go outside. But that does not stop me from being totally in love with the beauty of the light.
the last thing I can recall is that I fall asleep, wathcing the light as it grows fainter. The next day it is gone, and I have not seen it since.
30 Nov 2006
Breathe. You are safe and sound of mind.
Breathe. The Wisperers in the dark cannot reach me here. I'm safe here. As long as I sing, the Whisperers cannot reach me.
They want me to be small and afraid, they want me to become a little lump of fear. The Darkhounds and the Whisperers. I know there is a world outside this dark and cold land. The Whisperers tells me how to turn the train around, and go back. I don't trust them. There is something in their voice, something that makes me think they are tryin gto trick me into certain death. Or worse, into the Darkhounds and the Whisperers posession, wich is a faith worse than death. When I die, I hope to God (if there is one) that death is the end.
The Darkhounds will feast on my soul, so that I become a Whisperer, and trick more people into the same destiny. Breathe now. But do not go to sleep, because in the moment when my body sleeps, the Whisperers have full control of my mind, and they can tell their truths and their lies. And I will belive enery single word of it.
They want me to be small and afraid, they want me to become a little lump of fear. The Darkhounds and the Whisperers. I know there is a world outside this dark and cold land. The Whisperers tells me how to turn the train around, and go back. I don't trust them. There is something in their voice, something that makes me think they are tryin gto trick me into certain death. Or worse, into the Darkhounds and the Whisperers posession, wich is a faith worse than death. When I die, I hope to God (if there is one) that death is the end.
The Darkhounds will feast on my soul, so that I become a Whisperer, and trick more people into the same destiny. Breathe now. But do not go to sleep, because in the moment when my body sleeps, the Whisperers have full control of my mind, and they can tell their truths and their lies. And I will belive enery single word of it.
28 Nov 2006
A blind man running
I'm on a train, it's pitch black, and I have no idea how far this train will go, or if it will ever stop, and if there is a light at the end of it all. I feel like I have no control, because this is a runaway train, there is no driver, and I cant stop it, because of the utter darkness.
I am in the night land, and grim horrors await outside the carriage. I want to stop, go back to where I was before, inside the light and the warmth, but I think that the train goes in a striaght line away from the place I used to be, and I have no idea where it will end. It's cold, and I don't have enough warm clothes. I can't find anything to put on myself, and I can't find the light-switch. I can hear the distant howling of the darkhounds, and I know they are out there, seeking for me, because I think I know their nature. They are fowl and viscious, and they seek to comsume my soul. I have to find a way to turn the train around.
I am in the night land, and grim horrors await outside the carriage. I want to stop, go back to where I was before, inside the light and the warmth, but I think that the train goes in a striaght line away from the place I used to be, and I have no idea where it will end. It's cold, and I don't have enough warm clothes. I can't find anything to put on myself, and I can't find the light-switch. I can hear the distant howling of the darkhounds, and I know they are out there, seeking for me, because I think I know their nature. They are fowl and viscious, and they seek to comsume my soul. I have to find a way to turn the train around.
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