the hour is getting late

I thought I wanted to tell you something. Really, it is urgent, but now, it is too late. I am alone again. You left in such a hurry, and I did not dare to tell you the truth in public. I am afraid to come to you. I am all alone in the darkness and I dare not come to you. I have a million reasons to not go, but none of them is the truth. I have to admit, I have lied to you. Over and over again, but now, let us not talk falsely, the hour is getting late.
I am afraid to face my destiny, that is why I do not go.

Sleepless

I am sleepless again. I can not sleep, nor can I be awake. My head is so full of thoughts and strange feelings that I can not close my eyes. I try to concentrate on my breathing. breathe in, breathe out. Inhale, exhale. Do. not. think. of. anything! In the darkness I see colours. In the roof, I see colours. Actually, I do not know if there is a roof, or if it is the aurora I see. Could it be something else than my insanity?

My eyes and my soul is no longer a part of my body. I am outside myself, watching. In the same time am I endlessly far away, and I am nanometers away. This is quite hard to explain, because there is no similar feeling to compare. It is like I am watching someone else, and I get surprised each time I realize it is myself, like when I reach out to touch something, I get surprised that they are not further away.
In the same time I am dizzy. It is not helping to sit down, it feels like the earth is swinging up and down. My breath echoes in my head, like there was nothing there. But it is.

Light!

After travelling in the vast, dark land, I wake up and see light.
I do not know if it is only inside my head or if it is outside the carriage. I get up on my feet, and outside there is a will o' the wisp. This faint light shines for me like the sun, because I have been in utter darkness for such a long time. Before, I did not want the carriage to stop, because of the horrors in the dark, but now I want to go outside and touch it. Feel the light all over my body, feel the heat and finally be warm. All I can think of is this warm, burning, flame. I think that it moves along side the train, or maybe it exists only inside my head, but I can see it the whole day. I think about opening the window, but my last grip of sanity keeps me from it. I know that this is only a trick from the grim horrors that awaits in the darkness outside the little circle of light, to make me stop the carriage and go outside. But that does not stop me from being totally in love with the beauty of the light.
the last thing I can recall is that I fall asleep, wathcing the light as it grows fainter. The next day it is gone, and I have not seen it since.